Aaaaauuugh!

Heya guys!  How’s it going?  Doing good?  Awesome.  Miss me?  I sure as hell missed you. 

Let me just get this out of the way real quick-like:  I have, for some unfathomable reason, beome addicted to Lady Gaga’s ‘Bad Romance’.  WTH?  I hate pop music.  Lady Gaga’s a f’ing freeeeeek (hair donuts, triple-stack platforms hooves instead of – oh, I dunno – shoes, and I don’t think she’s worn pants since 2006).  But this shit’s kind of… catchy.  I’m a sucker for a beat.

If you ever catch me playing “Poker Face” on my phone though, do me a favor and shoot me.  Savvy?

And it took less than 48 hours for me to repress the urge to reach through the computer and throttle the shit out of some hobbyist over screening.  I think it’s the cumulative effect that really does it.  It’s not ONE guy sending an email that just makes you say, “Oh, sweetheart, no.” 

No, what really inspires that overwhelming urge to scream with rage and KEYBOARD SMASH is when you check your morning emails and find all of this, in order –

– A lady for whose reference you waited two days, and got back, “Yeah, he’s fine.”

– A fellow who you’ve been screening for two days and once his references have come back,  decides only now to let you know he expects a 30 minute appointment when you don’t offer 30 minute appointments.

– An appointment request consisting of nothing but the single, lonesome sentence stating they’d like to see me this very morning, with one reference (name only).

I love y’all to bits, my little chickadees, really I do.  You know those ads/websites where the lady has that long list of “I don’t do this, or this, or this, and you have to have this and that and the other” that so many of you don’t like?  This is why.  And since we’re dealing with the public, which is notorious for being thick-headed, half of them don’t listen to the directions anyhow.

I have to know what your references call you.  It doesn’t have to be your real name – if the ladies call you Tom when your name is really Frank, or if they actually do call you ILuvBoobs – it just has to be whatever you are known by to your references. 

I need to know whatever contact info you used to reach them.  Some gals file guys by cell phone number, some by final four of the cell phone, some by email.  (Myself, I can simply remember stuff, but then I don’t see many fellows so it’s fairly easy to keep them all straight.)  This isn’t some super-sekrit file we all plan on turning over to the FBI, it’s merely the fastest way to narrow down which of four Jims we know is the one asking for the reference. 

Two references, minimum.  This is not optional.  For preference, send me six.  I have never waited for each and every reference to get back to me – two is all I truly need – but when time is pressing and you want an appointment soon, having messages out to lots of ladies means I can take the first two who happen to be quickest on checking their emails.

I haaaaate screening.

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Published in: on June 15, 2010 at 8:15 am  Comments (1)  

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One CommentLeave a comment

  1. I’m telling ya, I’m implementing an ad today and a banner. Don’t wanna deal with the hassle? Send em to me and I’ll straighten their ass up! LOL


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