It’s all Nasty’s fault

Mr Nasty and I have tossed this one around a few times, and I’m putting up some new offers just for fellows I already know.  It’ll be on a  new page here on my blog (like the About and FAQ pages – easier to find) so look for it later this afternoon.

PS.  Is my latest ad really funny, or is that just the caffeine rush talking?

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Published in: on August 30, 2010 at 8:20 am  Leave a Comment  

So frustrated.

I’ve got more than $1500 sitting in my inbox, and I can’t do anything about it.  The problem?  I can’t get any of them past screening.  Two reasons on that.

1.  Half of them are using the same provider as a reference.  I’ve called her several times, left messages.  She needed a reference from me, so I sent it to her in a PM and asked her for references on the guys who’ve been waiting (one of them for about two weeks), and also to ask if she was okay.  She has yet to get back to me by any means.  She’s never done this before so I was beginning to get rather worried about her.  A fellow let me know he’d seen her last week and she seemed okay, so at least she’s not deathly sick or in jail.  Still, now that I know she’s probably fine I’d like the references. 

2.  Gusy keep sending me ancient references.  As in, so old that not only does the gal say she can’t recall which appointment he was and whether he behaved, but that she doesn’t even remember hearing about him.  Like, years old.  Is this the new trend?  (And if you’re one of the gents waiting and wonder if I mean you, if you sent me a reference from a gal you saw four years ago then yes, I meant you.  If not, then I didn’t.  I’m sorry, I just can’t do much with a reference that old.  None of them even recalled hearing your handle(s) before.  Plural because there was more than one guy like that)

I asked the guys waiting on that one gal to please contact her to let her know he would like her to reach me for screening.  I feel like a heel for keeping them waiting so long, but I’m not sure what else to do about it.  Except stop screening, and that’s not gonna happen.

Sigh.

In other news, yesterday’s word count was 1293.  A productive day.  And now I’m going to get my housework done and write some more.  Wish me luck that referencing goes better this week.

Published in: on August 30, 2010 at 8:04 am  Comments (1)  

Feel free to laugh at me.

I laugh at me, regular, so everyone else ought to have a crack at it too, yeah?

I started writing a book.  No, you can’t see it.  I’ve done this before, and when/if it turns out to be crap then only my absolute nearest and dearest will snicker the next time I mention apsirations to the title “novelist”.  Actually, this is the longest I’ve gone with sticking to straight press and leaving the fiction alone.  The last attempt was rather depressing – got 80% through before admitting the plot was complete crap, and finishing it only to find out what happened.

I think it was Mark Twain who said you have to write a million words of crap before you can write one word fit for public consumption.  If we’re counting the freelancing, I hit my million words recently, so maybe this will work out.  We’ll see.

Also, I got stung by a scorpion.  I was buttoning my jeans and thought I’d snagged my finger on a burr, looked….  F’ing Texas.   I freaked out, called a friend and asked how poisonous the damned things are, I mean, did I need to go to the hospital?  (What?  Shut up, I’m not from Texas, I don’t know these things, I can hear you laughing at me from here, Bill.)  Turns out I’ve had worse ant bites.  Didn’t even swell, just stung for a few minutes.

I meant to write more, people have been asking why I wasn’t updating, but none of it sounds all that interesting anymore and I’ve got a pirated copy of A-Team calling my name.

Published in: on August 26, 2010 at 9:36 pm  Comments (3)  

ANGRY music

Brandy finds me terribly amusing.  Now that I think on it, it probably is quite funny to see some redheaded midget shrieking incoherently and banging the keyboard in rage.  While playing music very, very loudly.

So.  My current collection of music to play at top volume while pissed as all hell.

Static-x – Love Dump

Powerman5000 – Bombshell

Papa roach -Last Resort

Pantera – Walk

AC/DC – TNT

Slipknot – Psychosocial

Slipknot – Duality

Denis Leary – I’m an Asshole

All of which, with the exception of Leary, I used to dance to when I was a stripper.**  And that probably says a great deal about my stage show.

** No, I was not an angry stripper.  I was actually the quiet type that no one tended to notice, except to note that she was never available because she was always off doing dances JUST when you wanted her.  And then I’d hit the stage and Quiet Stripper would morph into Rough “What, You Coming To MY Stage, Bitch?” Stripper, and you’d get a faceful of kitty and ass.  Hey, *I* was amused by it and that was all that mattered.  I never realized what an attention-whore I was until I began stripping.

Published in: on August 19, 2010 at 10:23 pm  Comments (1)  

Some people’s KIDS bigod. Bifuckinggod.

Jumping Christ on crack.  I’m gonna open up a good old-fashioned can of redheaded asswhuppin’ on someone.

Let me introduce you to Dipshit “Couldn’t Find Ass With Both Hands and a Map” McTwat!  He started calling me a couple weeks after I went off the market.  I asked how he got my number, as it was private.  He says a friend gave it to him (!) and he wouldn’t say who this jolly little friend of his was.*

Dipshit McTwat has no references.  Oh, wait.  My bad.  He has one reference for someone who retired almost a year ago and cannot be reached by any means.  His other reference turns out to be… (wait for it) … (wait for it)… a local gal he talked to who agreed to say he’d seen her when he HADN’T.  HAD NOT by all that is sweet and holy.  FAKE reference.

And he keeps calling me!  He’s been calling for months, just to chat.  Oh, and to ask again and again and bloody again if I’m available, and if I really mean it about needing references, and whyyyy to I have to be so meeeeen to him.  Bitch, please.  Take a Midol and stop whining at me.

I have asked him more times than I have countable kittyhairs to stop calling me from blocked numbers. Tonight, I am waiting on a fellow to call me to let me know he wants me on my way to his place.  At the time I’m expecting aforementioned call, a blocked number comes in.  Hello, D. McTwat!  And, oooooh, it gets better!  He wants to talk to Brandy.  BRANDY.  HE CALLED TO TALK TO BRANDY.  Because she is newbie friendly and he’s sure – SURE – that one day he and I will make sweet music if he can just find a good reference.

AHAHAHA.  Ha.  Not even if I were paid triple and got to use a strap-on.

And just to put the dill in my pickle, I’ve been waiting at my incall, all gussied up, for a fellow who wanted an outcall.  you remember?  He was going to call me to let me know he wanted me to be on my way?  I’m supposed to wait for his call?  Yeah.  So I’m waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.  My phone ain’t ringing.

Fucker sent an email two hours ago.  From his phone.  To cancel. Canceling through email from his phone.  Which, y’know, he said he’d call me on.  Is he aware those things make calls as well?

Some guys hobby because they’re sex addicts.  Some hobby because they are lonely, or don’t get enough elsewhere.  And some guys hobby because in a bar full of drunk women, they couldn’t get laid with Brad Pitt’s dick.

* And if I ever find you, you little fuckhead, I will cut it off and use it as bait.  Be afraid. PS.  Thanks for telling him I was fucking hot.  That’s sweet of you.  I’m still gonna kick your ass end up between your shoulderblades, just on principle.

P.P.S.  Yeah, this’ll be in the Locker Room in about… oh, an hour.  If you have called me roughly every week since February to pester the everloving shit out of me for an appointment with no verifiable references, if you have colluded with a provider to give me a fake reference, if you have ever (tone and all) whiiiiined at me and actually said the words “why do you have to be so meeeeen”, and (please note) if you have repeatedly refused to take a goddamned hint – yes, I meant you and I’m not a bit sorry.  Shove it up your ass sideways.  You (specifically D. McTwat) bother me so often, I’ve actually spent more time dealing with you than with my ATF.  And, the rest of you, if you are any of the above, suck it up and don’t DO that shit.   You guys, you get some chick who goes all flaky crack-ho on you and you get to bitch and moan and wail about how much it f’ing sucks that people can’t grow the hell up.  You think we don’t get it too?  I had things I was supposed to be doing, and I put them off because someone asked me for an appointment.  I’m sitting here, in makeup and freeballing in a see-through dress, having been stood-up, and I’m pissed.  It happens.  Deal.

Published in: on August 19, 2010 at 7:44 pm  Comments (3)  

Partypartyparty

That.  Was.  AWESOME.

My life is now complete.

Published in: on August 13, 2010 at 8:19 am  Comments (3)  

What a week!

I haven’t had any time for the internet in days.  My poor blog has been sorely neglected.  *pets blog*  Poor blog.

I have managed to get quite a lot accomplished though.  Which is all well and good but now I’m in desperate need of a day wherein I do nothing but faff off and play Sims.  Today will probably not be that day though, as I am scrubbing the incall.  Aaaand now I just realized that I forgot to bring the vacuum.  Dammitall.

Bunch of random:

The bad thing about seeing a guy BCD is that I can no longer send messages to say, “Hey, sweet cheeks, you gonna make the social?”  Because when you haven’t ever seen him it sounds like exactly what it is – that you would like to see him at the social since it’s been a  while you last got to talk to him.  After you’ve seen him, it sounds like fishing for an appointment.  Which sucks, because there are those I would love to see if they’re coming just so I can hang with them for a bit but bugger that if it’s going to make me seem like I’m only after money.

Note to self: Email CK to make sure I RSVPed that I could not make SA social.  And there’s another one I don’t get to spend enough time with.  I think the only down side to moving to CC is that I no longer get to hang out with CK.

JW – just a word of advice – some of the more selective ladies do read the hobbyists’ posts as part of their own screening before accepting an appointment. So, you may want to tone it down for your own sake.

You ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie. Bloody hell, I’m reading this review thinking to myself, “She’s old and eats too many snacks? Jesus, basically the same age as me – three, maybe four years older – and I bet she’s only got a couple pounds on me once you account for her being taller.” And now I’m terrified to see this guy because he’ll be disappointed that I’m just another 30+, snack-eating white girl.

Side note: Why do people insist that I’m a spinner? I’m not. Too fluffy for proper spinner-ness. I’m just a short girl with a rather average figure and fabulous tits. For me to rate spinner, I’d have to back away from the bacon and exercise more (noooo, don’t wannnnna).

I was planning to write more but fukkit.  I’m going to play sims and then clean the incall.  The internet will still be here tomorrow.

Published in: on August 10, 2010 at 10:22 am  Comments (3)