Gobble gobble OMGpuns

This is my favorite holiday! I’ve been cooking for two days.  The turkey looks beautiful.  I’ll tell you the secret to a good bird.

1) I never tent or bag. Instead, put foil over just the breast and pat it down. This keeps the breast from getting too brown before the rest of the bird is done. 

2) Season the cavities with black pepper and stuff fore and aft with onion. As much as you can cram.

3) Mix up a wet baste of about 3/4 cup bacon grease, 3 tbsp mustard, 2 tbsp worschtershire, season-all, onion powder, and black pepper. I never measure, so amounts are a guess but close enough for cable tv. Carefully lift the skin from the breast, working first your hand in and then the handle of a wooden spoon to lift the skin from the meat as far back as you can reach, taking care not to tear the skin. I have little hands, so you guys might want to just use the spoon. Put the wet baste under the skin. I let mine marinate the bird overnight but that isn’t crucial.

4) Slather the outside of the bird in olive oil or bacon fat. This keeps the foil from sticking and gives a nice color.

I’ve got fruit salad, three pumpkin pies, three chocolate cream pies, veggie platters all done.  Still to do-

– garlic butter crescent rolls, waiting on trays covered with damp towels

– the ham

– mashed potatoes

– gravy. I’m showing another lady how to make the gravy, it’s dead simple

– punch

Everything else is someone else’s problem.

Woooo, I’m gonna eat myself sick today.  Happy Thanksgiving!

Published in: on November 25, 2010 at 10:26 am  Comments (3)  


Ye gods, trolls in Corpus.

What does it say about me that I classify my internet trolls by whether I find them amusing.

Three pages and no lulcatz.  Sigh.

Published in: on November 22, 2010 at 4:39 pm  Comments (3)  

Bleat on, my drama llamas

Eccie, you give me so much sadface.

The number of people who equate basic civility, manners, with gender-worship and/or admiration is asinine.  Sweet Christ on a pogo stick, seven pages (and counting!) of pedantic bickering over definitions and “but what about…”

The mommy issues are kind of fun to watch though.

Everyone deserves respect on first blush, if by “respect” we mean “basic civility” and naturally I do.  What they get after that depends entirely on them.

I mean, sheesh.  It isn’t hard to figure out what is meant by respect in context.

Published in: on November 22, 2010 at 1:27 pm  Comments (4)  

Busy bee, Christmas-y

Haircut – check! Nothing fancy, just got it trimmed up.

New contacts – check! Well, almost check.  This is what I get for waiting, when I should have cleared the schedule and gotten them last week.  Old contacts with build-up = eye infection.  I had an appointment Monday, another Tuesday and the follow-up on Saturday.  In the meantime, I’m wearing glasses.  I can’t wear the contacts until Saturday.  I’m looking very much like a librarian right now; haven’t worn glasses since I was 14, so this is weird.  Lesson learned – clear the schedule or have it cleared for me, and that antibiotic was dreadfully expensive.  At least my eye isn’t goopy, just sensitive to light.

New phone – check! I got an Epic.  This thing is so COOOOOL.  Again, my miserly self winced at the price tag but I keep telling myself if you price all the electronics it replaces (GPS, voice recorder, camera, netbook) it’s rather reasonable.  The camera is excellent.  My only issue with it so far is that the battery lasts no time at all and Brandy’s has the Sims but I still can’t figure out how to get that on mine.  Currently setting up non-hobby voicemail and downloading sound effects (AHAHAHA).

Scrub the incall – still to do.  Probably today, I wanted to sweep and mop my house last night and couldn’t because the broom and mop were still at the incall.  Bother.

Curtains for the incall – check! They’re quite nice.  Suedecloth blackout curtains, the bedroom in brown and the living room in that dusty dark grey-green I think they call ‘sage’.  Of course, now we need to get a lamp.


So today I’m probably going to scrub up the incall, and I have this box I want to wrap in Christmas paper – for the donations box, the gift cards and whatnot gents are giving us to donate for the holiday can go in the box and it will look all very festive.  And I want to get a poinsetta over here.  Brandy’s talking about hanging lights.  Our place is going to be very Christmas-y for a few weeks.

Which segues right into something I’ve been curious about.  Giving holiday gifts to hobbyists – good idea/bad idea?  *I* want to do it.  It’s fun to get presents for friends, and on the business side these friends have been varying levels of good to me over the last year.  Nothing huge; books, a bottle of wine or liquor, comical boxer shorts (currently hunting for boxers that light up/glow in the dark/sing tunes, send me a link if you know where I can get some), you know, stuff like that.

The concerns-

– the cadre that looks for ill motives.  “She’s fishing for an appointment/an expensive gift for herself.”  Do not want.

– it’s Very Bad Form to put a hobbyist in a situation where he has to explain something.  Such as, for eg;, why he smells of latex and has warming oil on his nipples, or where he got that present.

– jealousy, of the “why didn’t I get something when he did” variety.  DO NOT WANT.


Published in: on November 17, 2010 at 12:00 pm  Comments (4)  

The To-Do List

I need to –

– get a haircut, laws, yes.  Bianca and Aidan always have such cute hair, I felt like a shaggy dog next to those two.

– get new contacts.  My last pair is on its last legs.  For the last week, people have been asking why I’m so tired because I’m rubbing my eyes, but it wasn’t exhaustion, I was trying to clear my contacts.

– manicure, liek whoa.  Probably not acrylics, far too hard to type with those plastic talons attached to your fingers.

– new phone.  I finally gave in and solicited advice from F, who knows all about technology, as to a good phone with decent signal out in the county, that won’t be too hard for a technophobe like me to figure out how to use.  Groan, whine, whimper.

– really scrub the incall.  We tidy and wipe down every day, and I scrub the bathroom once a week, but I need to haul over the vacuum and sweep and mop.

– curtains for the incall.  The blinds just aren’t doing it for us, the morning sun makes the bedroom too bright to really set the mood via candles and the afternoon sun heats the living room awfully.  Something in a dark red perhaps.

The hardest part of this list will be finding the time.  This afternoon is still open, so I might get at least one of these done then.  Hopefully.

Published in: on November 12, 2010 at 11:00 am  Comments (2)  

It’s that time again

An Ode to Screening

No references, but

what are you doing right now?

I am a nice guy.

Published in: on November 11, 2010 at 10:37 am  Comments (4)  

LOL suck

45-7.  That’s just shameful.  I feel bad for the poor pig that had to die so that the Cowboys could suck SO BADLY.*  They have no heart, no discipline, and they keep making the same mistakes.  I blame Jerry, who may have enough clams to buy the Cowboys and yet clearly doesn’t know dick about football.

Speaking of football, I read ‘Playing for Pizza’.  It was pretty good, actually.  A little wooden, but the food porn makes up for it.


Movies I Have Seen Lately:

Avatar – It was shiny to look at, and the main character had that scruffy Marlboro good looks neatly combined with the hurt-comfort dynamic which turns women into feather-boa-wearing little freaks.   Otherwise?  Total fail.  Utter fail.  A veritable buffet of fail, bought in big Fail cans on the Fail aisle of Fail-Mart.  The cute cripple?  I watched him for three-ish hours and I can’t recall his name – it mustn’t have been important.  His Hot Native Hottie, I also can’t recall her name.  Grace, though, I remember that name, probably because no one forgets La Weaver.

Plot holes big enough to drive a Mack truck through.  A holding force of Marines get their asses handed to them by a native population, and they subsequently hang their heads and slink back off to where they belong.  Oh, yeah, sure, that’d totally happen.  We surely wouldn’t have nuked them in retaliation within a day.  The Marines taking orders from some field executive for Nameless Huge Big Business – one which invests enormous sums on scientific developments and a specialized team of researchers and then sez, “Fukkit, make with the boom-boom.”  See, I could be convinced these things are plausible IF the writers had taken any effort to explain them.

P.S.  The jumpsuits are a blatant rip-off of Heinlein’s Starship Troopers.  Fail.

And I really hate the white Jesus motif.  Despise it.  The white man is evil and rapacious, a cancer upon the universe because he keeps his soul in his wallet, and his only hope of redemption is to repudiate his way of life and adopt the culture and lifestyle of the noble savage.  The noble savage is a beautiful environmentalist, at one with everything, holding the Sekrit of
Life, Harmony and Truth in his deft, skilled and noble warrior’s hands.  And yet the noble savages, despite being practically perfect in every way, are helpless to save themselves without the help of their white Jesus, who forsakes his evil white man ways and saves everyone by learning everything about being a noble savage in weeks and of course, since he is a white man, being superior at it in all regards.

So, basically, we’re being dismissive and paternalistic towards everyone involved.  How democratic.

Published in: on November 10, 2010 at 1:04 pm  Comments (6)  

Heh heh.

Tall drink of water.  Nice ass.  Remarkable resemblance to Alec Baldwin, though he gets John Cusack (and I can see John Cusack, but something about the nose and eyes said Baldwin to me).   California boy, but no one’s perfect and I want a pair of Van’s now.  Gorgeous voice, fun to talk to, dark Irish.

God, my job is so tough.


Published in: on November 7, 2010 at 11:50 am  Leave a Comment  

Bunch of random

For your amusement:

I got a call from Dipshit McTwat.  Holy Clue-By-Four, he called from a proper number this time.  As opposed to his friend’s phone, his wife’s phone, or blocking the number for his work.  He wanted to apologize for annoying me (considering he must be one of very few hobbyists to ever get told in bluntest tones possible “not even if you paid me triple” – it was safe to assume I was annoyed).  There were an awful lot of justifications as to why he got my number from a hobby buddy and then blew up my phone to chat, to ask why I wouldn’t break my exclusive contract with Mr X for someone with no references, to tell me I was being meeeeeeean, to explain why he used me as a reference and then subsequently to explain why he gave me a fake reference after I had patiently told him, yea verily, a reference must be someone you have seen BCD, et cetera et cetera ad nauseam…  You see, he didn’t know any better, despite how many times I politely told him better, and this fellow who got my number off a buddy and kept calling me from random inappropriate numbers was too nervous to call me from a decent number for security purposes – because god only knows what a hooker might do if she gets your number, amirite?  She might call you from her friend’s/husband’s/bosses’ phone constantly or some shit.

But he did apologize.  And I told him brightly, “Okay!  You have a nice afternoon.”


I never know what to say to ladies who are having problems I know are fairly commonplace, but which I don’t have to deal with.  I have been NCNS’ed twice (and both were in San Antonio), cancellations are extremely rare.  Oftentimes, it’s even a problem with a specific hobbyist.  This fellow shorts the envelope.  That fellow is known for being a highly insulting “negotiator”.  The other fellow sent a rude PM over a lady using an avatar that wasn’t her own image (f’ing hell, my avatar’s a damned goldfish bowl and my showcase image is Pimp Smurf, but no one sends me rude PMs about it).  In each of these instances, I knew the guys.  And they weren’t like that with me.

I mean, you definitely don’t want to say that he didn’t try this with you and was actually quite a sweetheart who you’d allow a repeat performance – sounds arrogant as anything, and is not helpful.  Best I’ve come up with is to make soothing noises, and wonder why the hell these fellows don’t pull such hijinks with me.  Seriously, why?  Ten year old kids are bigger than I am, they can’t be worried I’d beat them up.  I don’t post names on the blog no matter how badly someone’s pissed me off, so, yeah, maybe I’ll tell my ATF and Brandy and you’d better not use me as a reference if you pull some jacked-up shit, but it’s not like I’m going to run to the community and make them spank you.

Emily no unnerstan.

Explain it to me, my lovely gents.  Why will a fellow with a reputation for bad, disrespectful behaviour towards women treat me much better?  I’m interested in this, because it’s almost like magic.  If I know what it is about me or him makes some rude little tit into a perfect gentleman, then I can replicate it consciously (wouldn’t we all like to live in a world where no one shorts the envelope or says nasty things.  Yes, we would.)  Maybe I’ll have a better idea of what to say to the ladies then, too.  You know, I get that I attract a higher quality of gentleman by offering quality myself, not being a Wal-Mart escort and screening like mad.  But when the same fellow is reported by numerous ladies as doing a specific bad thing, and then has exemplary behaviour with me, none of that explains it.

It’s a funny old world.

Published in: on November 7, 2010 at 10:10 am  Comments (1)  

If They Only Knew

I found parts of this hysterical.  It’s a webpage where an anonymous provider points out what providers may really be thinking when clients do things she finds annoying.  I disagree on some points, such as DATY.  Even if a fellow isn’t all that good at it, I’m still getting licked.  Hard knock life, that.  But, to each their own.


Published in: on November 6, 2010 at 3:00 pm  Comments (2)