On taking GFE too seriously

I got an email on this subject recently.  It raised some interesting points and, after mulling it, I wanted to pursue this a bit further.  Email redacted for privacy purposes, sender to remain anonymous.

Not to put blame on you, but this doesn’t surprise me. Hell, you know I’m crazy about you. If you were able to read *****’s [ROS] you would know he is too. While we may not take it over the line, the fact is, the kind of service you provide and just your personality make it easy to see how a guy could take it too far. I’m not defending him at all, he should know better and snap out of it. In my experience, if a gfe is done right, at least for a little while you feel like your in love. A guy should be smart enough to keep a perspective on it, but a lot of guys, and I’m sure you know this , want to
be the hero that takes you away from all of this .


Be careful with him. You never know who will be the guy that snaps. We are all a little nuts, but most of us can
keep it to ourselves and act like we are normal all the time. When you get that going on it could get crazy.
Sometimes the difference in chasing the woman you love and being a stalker is just a matter of a phone call to the police.LOL


Seriously, don’t reply to him . It will just feed him, even if it’s negative, it’s attention so he’ll take it.
Change the number(I want the new one) and ignore his mail.
When the guys talk about what GFE is, they use a lot of acronyms.  GFE means BBBJ/MSOG/DFK (and for the really delusional, they swear GFE is BBFS – but then there’s also the claim that PSE means BBFS, so one realizes that this is just another “wish in one hand, piss in the other and see which fills up fastest” style of thing).

My theory is that GFE done correctly has little to do with a willingness to tack a specific acronym on the menu.  GFE is about empathy.  Empathy is really quite easy.  When the door opens and a lady looks a fellow in the face, she merely needs to have a general idea of what it’s like to be a guy and in what ways that sometimes sucks, and try to make things not suck so much for an hour.  Guys have the asshole boss, the lazy co-workers, commutes with a bunch of shitheads who can’t drive.  Being so busy working to keep the family financially comfortable that they usually feel lucky to get one decent hot meal each day.  Taxes, bills, the washer just broke and Daddy’s little princess needs to see the orthodontist.  They go home, a peck on the cheek and someone hands them a Honey-Do list.  No one ever listens to them; it’s all “Uh-huh, uh-huh, don’t forget to mow the lawn this weekend/file that report.”  Being a man is a ceaseless series of expectations and a to-do list that never gets completed – but don’t ask for anything for yourself, because that’s selfish and pussy.

Everyone’s life sucks and no mistake.  An appointment, however, may jolly well be the only time all week – all month, perhaps – when this particular fellow had the opportunity for something in his life to be about HIM.
Once you know all this, GFE is easy.  All the acronyms guys use to define GFE are nothing more than the natural side effects of a lady who knows how to feel empathy.

Therein lies the rub (as it were).  Empathy is a rare commodity these days.  Ergo, satisfactory GFE isn’t a matter of finding a gal willing to lie back and think of England, it’s the more difficult task of finding a gal with enough empathy that she can give a lovely, thorough kiss to a fellow she just met and mean it.

And then, once you do find a gal like that, things suddenly get all complicated.  You’ve got this gal who is sweet, kind and willing, and who may well be (for some of you lads) the brightest moment in an otherwise very tedious and thankless life.   A fantasy that comes true is rare, and not an easy thing to take philosophically.  But you MUST.  Empathy means that, by definition, she is not acting when she appears to think of you as another human being and a man, as opposed to “Now serving #372 at window 14”, but hobby boundaries means this goes no further.  You have found empathy.  Revel in it, wallow in it.  Just don’t expect more.

I’ve long maintained that all regulars have a shelf-life.  (I have a great deal of repeat business, so trust me on this one.)  The shelf-life varies enormously.  A guy could lose his shit after just one appointment, another guy could be fine for a year and then his mother dies and your kindness is now too much to deal with to keep those boundaries where they belong.

Taking this too seriously is something I have to deal with at least a few times a year.  Apparently it is possible to be too nice.  (Who knew?)  My boundaries are few, but they are firm – best to assume the opportunity to cross them is somewhere in the magical land of Not Gonna Happen.  No one knows where I live – not even Brandy.  Four people know my first name, two of them providers.  I do not discuss my family life with anyone but Brandy.

You gents can have me as your fantasy – the real me, with a genuine concern for the real you – but the fantasy stops there.  You don’t get my personal info, my home or my private life.  Nothing personal, guys, and it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t like you.  Everyone knows I’m paranoid about security, and this is just one of those things.  If some guy turns nutbag on me, he’s got nothing but an escort name, hobby email and blog, a throw-away phone number I can ditch at any time, and the knowledge of which 20-square-mile piece of Texas contains my real home.  BFD.
Published in: on November 5, 2010 at 12:11 pm  Comments (4)  

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  1. It’s inevitable that these kind of things happen, I guess. Sad, but there are a lot of lonely people out there. I had a provider fall for me once. Big mistake on her part and mine to reciprocate. Analogies to escort and partner(wife/husband). Always liked the chef and cook one myself. A professional chef (escort) cooks for just about everybody–partner cooks for the family. Both can cook good, but the chef might be fancier but you’ve always got to pay your bill. Home cooking isn’t always better, but it’s “home cooking” part of your life. That probably doesn’t work for everybody, but it works for me.

  2. I think you summed up GFE rather well. Keep looking in your rear view mirror and be careful out there.

  3. Fuck me…

    Both me and my provider got out of control. She was calling me to come over and, “Just sit and talk,” when she was going through boy trouble. I was texting her all the time, just to let her know I cared. She was the hottest thing in my life at the time, and I still miss her.

    She had to cut me off…unfair, given the circumstances, but understandable. I was too attached, the GFE (which you explained to a T) and real life got muddled on both our parts.

    I still don’t know what really happened, just my side of it.

    I see her ads, and I want to call. I have a few time, I imagine her phone with the caller ID stating, “DO NOT ANSWER”…it breaks my heart.

    I have learned my lesson, I just want to be a client again…but I am sure that it will never be again…

    I think everyone involved in this “game” has to learn that lesson at least once…

    • Good thoughts all around. My apologies for the loss of your ATF – always a hard break.

      I think I’m quite fortunate. I was an intelligent woman in my mid-twenties when I found the hobby, and now I’m in my early thirties. Old enough to have some perspective and know my own mind.

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